Tuesday, February 6, 2007

Tend those short and curlies Mr. Attendant!


So here I am... Making my first blog post and although I have a thousand different ideas of what to write about, I'm going to write about nose hairs. *GASP* It is an important issue even if it is bordering on taboo, but it's an issue that still does affect (afflict?) many. What brought this to my attention today was my trip to gas up my vehicle. Now, most of the time, when one thinks of nose hairs one thinks of some old man with eyebrows and ear hairs with pronunciation to match. One does not think of a man of maybe 40 at the most, to alert you to check your own the next time you see a mirror. I went to pay for my gas and a car wash and there they were! I couldn't avert my eyes from them so to save myself the embarrassment of being caught looking, I stood inspecting the handcrafted dog treat tree with square treats with round holes to fill it. His nose hairs may have well have been square blocks trying to fit in his round nostrils cause they were *trying* to fit! Bushes of follicles curling out and suspending in the air being exhaled. The stray few didn't know what to do and curled around, attempting to cling to the outside of said nostrils. And Ear hair, insulating and comb worthy, possibly providing a sound barrier. At what point does one say, "hey, they gotta be free, no need to cultivated the shrubbery anymore".
I for one am acutely aware of my aging hairs and not just the odd grey that pops out of my mane, shinning at me, reminding me I'm not as young as I think I am. One in particular poked rebelliously out of my widows peak today. As I was looking in the mirror while getting ready to go on one of my numerous runs for the kids today it broke free of my other curls and waved as if it was alive, waved with a backbone that refusing to conform, waved as if taunting me to yank it out but I did not give in. That rogue grey is my medal of honor. I earned it. 3 young boys and moving from a reliable pay cheque to the unpredictability of Self employment -it's earned - it's mine. But, all the other hairs... now that's another matter!
Children don't have visible nose hairs. I guess that's one of the glorious things puberty brings. As a child without nose hairs, I was grossed out as my Dad perched on his stool, going through his evening phone calls while mindlessly yanking out his nose hairs. Now that I am roughly the age he was then, I realize it wasn't mindless, it was a necessity. A grooming need to avoid the follicle people from trying to emerge from their cavern to check out life on the outside. And yes, like him, I now yank them out without regard to the imminent pain and sneezes. Yes, I pinch several of them and pull for all I'm worth. The quicker and the more at once the better. It speeds up the process and the pain. I've developed a little technique now though - my nose hair yanking, I find that funny but it's true. I'll share it in case it helps someone else tame the haircicles. Wrinkle up your nose as if you have some horribly foul smell swirling to your sinuses, pinch a clump and yank. It's the wrinkling that numbs up the pain.
Why is it with age that we don't only get the skin starting to droop and the greys starting to sprout but we also get random hairs that decide to step out from the crowd and reach for the sky? Suddenly hairs that used to have growth limits now grow with abandon to all former laws of nature. What court changed these laws! I want to petition the court for an injunction! I have eyebrow hairs that I have to watch for so I can yank them out before they have to be combed into a ponytail with my locks. I have a fine hair on the edge of my ear that grows even longer before I notice it to evict it. I have a fine blonde hair on the back of one of my arms that grows several inches long till it tickles me to realize that I'm growing the start of a wing! I have a fine pore hair on my nose that FOR THE LOVE OF CHOCOLATE will tickle the tip if I don't look close enough and realize it's there for me to pluck! What the heck! Again I want an appeal!!!
Now my husband on the other hand, keeps trying to embrace his new found eyebrow length. I have to threaten to pluck them (which the big baby can't take) before he will cut them. Once he trimmed them himself way too short. His eyebrows endured a brush cut. They looked crazy. Stubble above AND below his eyes! Now he saves it up for haircut time and has the stylist do it for him. Doesn't trust me, but he will let a stranger do it. But at least he takes care of it. He keeps threatening that when he's old he's just going to let them go wild and if he had ear hair, he's going to let that go too. He has a goal in mind to be able to hold a pencil on the ledge the rebels will form. Myself, I have much grandeur wishes for my old age, holding a pencil on my eyebrows isn't one of them. But this brings us back to my original quandary...
At what point do you say to hell with it, let 'em grow, let 'em grow, let 'em grow. Please people, Just say NO!!

1 comment:

Sabine said...

Oh Jen - now there is a start for your blog LOL!!! And just to let you know - I bought a nose hair trimmer for Rob this christmas! It rocks.
Happy Blogging, can't wait to see what else you come up with ;)