This past year has been a long one. A year full of emotion and challenge where my spirit was torn down to it's essence, stripped to my inner most quivering root nerve. Exposed and raw, I began a renewal of self - building myself into who I am and who I want to be all over again. Mindful growth magnetic and purposeful, auspiciously inspiring those around me to start from the here and now, to grow with purpose and continue on to be who we are supposed to be.
Life is noisy and lonely and crowded and quiet, full of paradox's and pain, plundering and prosperity, commas and periods. Infinite but minute, fresh dawns of first breaths - enormous and exalting, shared with the blackest nights stealing your dreams... your soul... your determination. I would curse the blackest of nights but if it weren't for them, we wouldn't know how prodigious the blissful dewey fragrant mornings of our personal resurrections are. Pain leads to growth just as pleasure eventually leads to pain, all things in time during the cycle of life. We cannot have one without the other.
This dark grey to black past year is just that in my heart... past. I have surfaced from it's depth, embracing the light and air and possibilty. Reassured to myself in who I am and how I want to live my life within myself, I move on. Ever reminding myself that I can lead only my own path, I must only hope that others will move with me along this course and their path leads to the same place. Mindful that I must be true to myself and others must decide their own path... and may or may not choose to share their path with me.
This new enlightenment has released me. Released me to realise that I must be the best me and all else will follow but what follows is a matter of happenstance and timing, and just because we want our lives to be a certain way, we really can only control what's in our own spirit. I have no control of the wind around me just the breath that goes through me.
With this vexatious time behind me, I have succeeded. A renewal of my life's purpose, a rebirth of focus, a resurrection of self empowerment and a rebirth of my hopes and dreams. My work is moving again, no longer stagnant with my soul but pouring out through my hands only being restrained by time and lifes commitments and needs. Like leaves sprouting forth from fingerling branches reaching out from a tree, my ideas can no longer be contained in clenched fists of the past. It must manifest to what it will and I will not hold it back. I will share here more regulary now. I felt I could not post for quite sometime when all I felt was muck mirred, like clay riddened boots. I felt it not fair to anyone else, to be dragged into the dark place which was my abode. As a blog can only give a glimpse, this glimpse didn't need to be shared.
With that I close, like a lid on a bottle of used motor oil, I draw a line in the sand and move on, eager to share my future and ever hopeful of possibilty.
Sincerely Jennifer
